Your love story is one-of-a-kind, and naturally, you want your wedding day to reflect that. And what better way to achieve that than by tailoring a ceremony that will feel unique to you both? Of course, I am talking about writing wedding vows that will be personal and special, just as your journey together. Indeed, this task can be pretty challenging, even overwhelming at times, so today I will share a complete guide to help you fill that blank page and write meaningful vows!
General Rules
Nothing better than laying out some simple rules, right? But in essence, the rule is that there are no rules! Before you get confused, let me explain a bit. When you write wedding vows, it is all about pouring your heart and expressing your eternal devotion, so basically you are free to write whatever speaks to you both as a couple. However, there is one thing that I would recommend to keep in mind – it is preferable for the vows not to be longer than one minute. But still, if you and your beloved feel like you want to make them a bit longer (just a bit); then it is completely up to you!
Guide on how to write wedding vows
- Sourcing Inspiration
You need something to get the creative juices flowing, and many couples begin by reading some examples. Having an idea of how others express their vows will definitely inspire you to begin writing your own. Additionally, you can find inspiration in your favorite movies, books, and even quotes online. You can tailor them however YOU want! Eventually, you will discover what you are drawn to and what style best describes your life together. - Talk with your partner
No, I am not talking about comparing notes, but a few simple aspects that need to be aligned. Why? Because it would be weird if one talks for 15 seconds and the other a whole minute! That being said, you should agree on the length of your vows.
Also, the tone is very important! If you are going all in, pouring your heart, but your partner starts cracking jokes – everything would be completely out of balance. So just sit down, pop a bottle of wine and talk openly about how you would like your vows to unfold. This is a once-in-a-lifetime moment that needs to feel amazing and perfect! Obviously, communication is the basis for every marriage, so time to get some things straight. - Draft your thoughts
I want you to sit down, take a notebook or a few sheets of paper and start writing whatever comes to your mind when thinking about your beloved! Forget that there is a wedding, forget about any rules, don’t mind about the length, just keep on writing until you have put every thought on the paper. Also, don’t think about whether it is perfect, or whether it is semantically correct. You can even put some words and not whole sentences! Later on, these notes will serve as the main inspiration. Here are 10 questions to ask yourself which will help you reflect on your story better: -
- How did everything begin and how much have you grown together?
- How did the hard times teach you to appreciate and care for one another?
- Why did you decide to get married?
- Why did you choose your partner?
- What makes you both thrive?
- How does your partner inspire you?
- What is your vision for the future?
- When did you realize that you were in love?
- How do you feel when you are apart?
- What do you adore the most about your beloved?
You don’t have to do it now, nor tomorrow, do it whenever you feel compelled to write. Spread it through several days and don’t erase any thought from your notes! Many couples tell me that they don’t feel inspired every day, of course, there is the wedding planning pressure too. So I would advise you to write, then take a day or two off and continue whenever you feel ready. The main point is that you shouldn’t force anything, the thoughts will flow freely when you allow them. After a while, you’d be surprised how your candid emotions found their way into the notes, slowly being shaped into what will become the vows!- Always have a pen and a piece of paper at hand
Sometimes inspiration may strike you from blue skies, so keep a pen and a piece of paper (or your phone) with you at all times. Often the best emotions overwhelm you when you least expect, and other times, some daily gesture or event can unblock your thoughts. - Time to frame the notes into a structure
After you have had your fair share of brainstorming, what helps to write wedding vows is getting some structure. You will find that once you have the notes, it is easier to organize them! Many couples opt for the traditional structure that can also be helpful: - Express what you love about each other;
- Express what you are thankful for;
- Make a promise for the future.
- Personalize
Time to make it authentic! Let’s take the promises for example. I would advise coming up with at least two or three promises. The first ones can be classic, “I promise to always be there for you”, but you can also level up the uniqueness by incorporating something that is typical about your relationship – “I promise to always take you to our favorite spot near the Seine and share a cup of coffee”. This can be just about anything that perfectly narrates your love story.
Speaking of stories, why not include some details in your vows? That can be about how you two met. Also, don’t worry if you have already told this one, feel free to retell it. Trust me, based on my experience, everyone will enjoy hearing it again!
Another option when thinking about how to write wedding vows is to include some inspirational text! That can be a quote from your favorite movie, maybe a letter from the early stages of your relationship, a poem, even something sweet or funny like an inside joke. The crucial thing is, you need to unleash your imagination and customize the whole experience! Just be YOURSELVES. Those are the things that both you and your guests will remember the most of your iconic ceremony! - Make a pause
You can write wedding vows in the best manner when you step aside and give yourself a breather. When you are finished with the first draft, put it aside and have a pause of several days. After a while, take it out and read what you have written. In this way, you will have a fresh perspective and see whether some adjustments are in order! When you have adjusted the text, it is time to proceed and slowly complete the process. - Don’t be scared to get a second opinion
Get your best friend, sibling, or any family member into the picture. Read them your vows and get a second opinion. But I guarantee you that with these tips you will already have their hearts melted. - Practice makes perfect
It is no secret that during the ceremonial act you and your partner will get emotional. And everyone present, including me – we live for such moments! There is nothing more precious than witnessing the raw and sentimental beauty of love. But at the same time, I would also advise you to practice speaking your vows in the mirror out loud. Not only will you have a better time remembering them but this will also prepare you for the day of. Regardless of the practice though, expect to be emotional on your iconic day. Simply embrace it, and enjoy this experience to the fullest. - Hide your vows from your partner
You’ve worked so hard to write wedding vows, and now you have to keep them secret. The point is to surprise your beloved at the ceremony, so make sure they are hidden safely! - Make a beautiful copy
You might have written them in your notebook, on a piece of paper, on your phone or laptop, but do not forget to print everything neatly for the ceremony.
